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Subject:I want to be treated
Time:01:47 am
21/F. Okay~ I think the majority of the community is set on maintaining a well-balanced relationship which would naturally include money and because of this I'm glad to receive some honest advise. Because of the situation with my last boyfriend I ended up paying for all of our dates and setting up dates based on my pitiful pocket finances. I have dated only one man besides the aforementioned and our dates were exclusively Dutch. I have never, ever been treated to anything like dinner or a gift and this time around I want to feel pampered. This includes the man picking up the tab most of the time.

The situation is a little more complex, however. I am a full-time student with no income (I do volunteer work for my credentials and I simply don't have the time for a job). The guy I'm dating is self-sufficient with a car, an apartment, and a steady successful job. Because of this, realistically I would not be able to afford the dates I'd like to go on (I'm not high-maintenance, I'm just talking about concerts and normal dinners at restaurants). My questions are:

1. Say if he takes the bill at the end of dinner and I don't have the intention to pay, should I mention the bill anyway and at least follow through with offering to pick it up or should I ignore it altogether?

2. If the subject of money isn't brought up is it okay to assume that HE assumes he will be paying?

3. If the subject of money was brought up, how should I explain it to him tactfully?
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joslushlife
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Time:2008-07-15 01:04 pm (UTC)
I'm married now so it matters less, but I've always gone by the rule to not go to restaurants or do other things if I can't afford to pay for at least myself. Of course it is nice to be treated to things, but it's not something that should be taken for granted. Also, if you don't have any intention to pay, then I would discuss that prior to the date, maybe just explain that you can't afford it right now because you're studying and don't have an income. I think it's a little bit disrespectful to go to a date with no intention of paying without having discussed that first, maybe he is going without any intention to pay for you. Personally I would never assume that he'd be paying.

These are just my opinions though.
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skeleton_rust
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Time:2008-07-15 04:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks
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loopyzany
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Time:2008-07-16 12:47 am (UTC)
I second that - just let him know when he suggests an activity that you'd love to go but can't afford it right now. Maybe he'll offer to pay, but if not, you haven't stuck him in an akward spot.
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Gender Roles Discussion - I want to be treated
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